I want to start with the wishes that finally came true. Wishes that seemed so far off and distant that at times we thought that they could never possibly be fulfilled. Wishes that, when first offered to us, seemed like a beautiful gift that we hadn't asked for and didn't deserve. Wishes that, as reality set in and the truth of Grayson's diagnosis became part of our story, scared us. Wishes that gave us a bright light to focus on, during the dark times and a finish line to cross when treatment was finally over. Wishes that found us, just us, a tiny family of four, finally in one place at one time, learning how to laugh again.
Make A Wish.
No, seriously, make a wish.
What would you wish for if there were virtually no limits? (You cannot wish for a car or a new home, but other than that the world is yours.) A trip to Disney, an afternoon with P!nk, front row tickets to a broadway show, Fiji, California, Paris, to star in your own music video? You only get one wish in your life, but it's your wish to wish.
Last Spring, while the chill was still in the air, an amazing woman named Molly, and her husband, journeyed to our home and, sitting in our family room, watching as the boys played, she asked Grayson to "Make A Wish." I would love to be a fly on the wall during these wish declarations. I would love to hear what these amazing children have dreamed up and to see their excitement as they can finally profess their hearts deepest desires. It was magical to watch my own bright eyed three year old have his moment.
Grayson, a man who knows what he wants, stopped ninja fighting with Aydan long enough to look at Molly and, very clearly declare, "I wish to go to Hawaii and swim with the dolphins."
And just like, with not even as much as a wave of some magic wand, Grayson's wish was granted. Every bit of planning and all the details were carefully checked and choreographed by our official wish coordinator, Elizabeth. For this trip, I relinquished all control and simply enjoyed the thought of a Hawaiian escape with my family.
As the days before our grand adventure dwindled down, I will say that my heart was a mix of emotions. It seemed and still seems like a million years separate us from the life we led before "wishes" were granted. Accepting the wish and preparing to experience a wish, is also, in a way, accepting that something horrible has happened. You don't get wishes for ear infections and stomach aches. Something spectacularly wretched entered our lives and our child was offered a wish because he has a life threatening illness. Saying that out loud, accepting that, accepting that reality is hard to do. I would think that all of us Wish Families feel the same nerves and emotional struggle as we prepare to witness our child's "one true hearts desire" come true. There is beauty in even the ugliest of moments and there is pain in even the most pure of moments. For me, Gray's wish, was a moment of quiet reflection for me to contemplate all that had happened in such a short time. It was silent moments watching my boys play while I thought of just how close we came to losing our son. I will admit that I struggled in the days leading up to Hawaii. Struggled in a way I was not expecting to feel, but I am grateful for the clarity of those tumultuous moments, because they prepared my heart for the beauty of seeing Grayson's dreams come true.
As the Luau continued in festive celebration around us, the boys creating their very own water ice concoctions, Molly (from Make A Wish) and I discussed all the details, details that were unknown to me until this moment, of Grayson's trip to Hawaii. She handed me "The" Make A Wish bag and inside was the official proclamation declaring his wish granted, our itinerary and more goodies to spoil us! I learned that we would be staying at the beautiful Sheraton Waikiki on the island of Oahu. That our trip included a Luau, complete with hula and fire dancing, swimming with the dolphins, and a ride in the Atlantis Submarine. I remember being blown away by the overwhelming generosity. The amount of thought and attention that had gone into planning this trip- for Grayson...for us. To think that people have devoted time and effort into planning every detail of a wish that a four year old had dreamed up. That people care enough about the happiness of my child. That there were people in this world who cared enough about our family to go to such measures to ensure we had a trip of a lifetime. Cancer has been a beast in our lives. It has been a horrible, unwelcome guest, but cancer has taught and shown me that sometimes in the darkest of moments, the beauty of the human spirit shines through. I can say that, as I sat there on that gorgeous August afternoon, my children thoroughly spoiled, as I signed the papers stating that we have received and accepted the wish granted, I shed tears. Tears of relief that we had made it to this point. Tears of gratitude. Tears of being so overwhelmed.
...and so began our journey to Hawaii and the fulfillment of Grayson's wish.
August 18, 2014. A limousine arrived at our home at 4am to bring us to the Philadelphia airport. We had two children, two adults, one jogging stroller, three suitcases, four carry-ons, two iPads, one portable dvd player, an entire book bag filled with ziplock bags, each containing a snack, a toy, and a small craft, one bag for each child, per hour of the flight. We were as prepared as one could be for a fourteen hour plane ride with two small children.
Our USAirways flight took off at 10am. Prior to boarding the flight we, following the instructions Make A Wish had given us, handed a small envelope to the flight attendant, who in turn passed the letter onto the captain. I wish I could have taken a picture of Aydan and Grayson's faces when the first class attendant asked them to accompany her to the cockpit. Once there, the pilot and copilot, greeted the boys and asked them to check out all the buttons and levers. Urging them to sit in the pilots seat and give things a try. Aydan was transfixed on just how many lights and gizmos such a small area could have. Grayson thought the fact that they had put his picture on the dash of the plane the most amazing thing ever. The gracious pilot and the entire crew made the boys feel like celebrities. Announcing to the entire plane, prior to taking off, that, "Grayson and his family are special guests flying with us today on their way to Hawaii for Grayson's Make A Wish trip." The boys felt so special and it helped make the incredibly long flight more bearable. Simple acts of human kindness go so very far.
We flew from Philadelphia to Phoenix to Honolulu. (PHL-PHX-HNL) From the time we left our home at 4am EST, to the time we arrived in Hawaii at 2pm HAST, we had been traveling for 16 hours. We had depleted both iPads battery power, gone through 50% of the ziplock bags of goodies, watched Dolphin Tale, Flipper, every episode of Lego Chima (Seasons one and two), played play-dough, and run up and down the terminal in Phoenix during our short layover. The boys, blessedly, had slept about five hours on the second leg of the journey from Phoenix to Honolulu and had an energy reserve that I am fairly certain is otherworldly. I will admit though, with that first hint of tropical air, as that lei was placed around my neck and as I took in the (airport) beauty of Hawaii, I felt revitalized and recharged. Sixteen hours suddenly meant nothing, because we had finally arrived. Grayson's wish really was coming true. I think I had been holding me my breath for the w, not believing this trip was truly going to happen, certain that the bottom would fall out from underneath of us once more, something would go wrong and we would wind up tucked away on the oncology floor or even worse PICU. Sometimes though, the waters of life just stay settled and plans go as planned.
We were finally in Hawaii and, my God, was that a beautiful place to be after two very hard years.
Our first full day in Hawaii, Tuesday, began at 3am. The boys were UP and for those moms out there you know what I mean; there was no coaxing them back to sleep or bribing them into being quiet. They were awake. So we found ourselves walking along the beach well before the sun rose. We watched the sunrise as we ate our (80$- yikes price inflation) breakfast, and sat in silence as we watched surfers take out to the waves. We stayed awake by keeping forward motion on a self guided walking tour of Honolulu (and many stops at the numerous Starbucks along the way). We fed a flock of birds on a pier in downtown Honolulu, learned about Duke Hahanamoxu and just enjoyed a lazy (very early) morning. (Tim and I became fast friends with the local Starbucks baristas as well.)
Later that same afternoon we ate lunch, back at our hotel, with the Pacific as our backdrop. A family of HUGE sting rays swam right past us as we dined and we could easily count dozens of sea turtles in the clear waters. Evidently, it was matting season! We, on a hunch and per the recommendation of our Traveling to Oahu With Small Children guide book, decided to jump in our rental Jeep (so much cooler than a minivan and a perk of being at the right place, at the right time, with a cool rental car employee) and travel to the legendary North Shore for some shaved ice at local hot spot Matsumoto's. We watched the surfers from afar and just flowed with the winding roads. Along the way we cruised by the ginormous Dole Plantation, saw countless Pineapple farms and enjoyed life in the slow lane. After our day of sight seeing we enjoyed our first planned event: A luau under the stars at the Hawaiian Hilton. The boys were in awe of the Hula performers and literally sat with their jaws open as they watched the fire dancers.
We went to bed that night exhausted by a full day of adventure and discovery and anxious for the following day, Wednesday, when Grayson's wish would officially come true to fruition. On Wednesday we would be going to Sea Life Park to (finally) swim with dolphins.
I have to stop here and reflect on this day for a few moments, because it was one of those days where, as you are living it, you find yourself stopping and just trying to remember every detail. I felt like my mind was in constant snapshot mode, trying to document, store and categorize every millisecond
of this monumental moment so I could relive it over and over. It was pure magic. Sea Life Park is an amazing facility that gave the boys (Tim and I) an up close and personal interaction with sharks, sea turtles, sea lions, tropical birds, dolphins, wolphins (a crossbreed of a dolphin and a whale), and other forms of marine life.
When you enter the park the first thing you do is walk through the shake tank. We literally probably spent 45 minutes in here, the boys running back and forth squealing as a hammerhead passed by, pointing out the white tipped reef shark, and gawking at the size of the sting ray. For those who don't know, Aydan is a huge shark fan and this was definitely a high for him. We had just come off of a week long binge of watching nothing but Shark Week and this was heaven to him. An up close look at the very creatures he finds so fascinating!
From there we explored the sea turtles, walked through a bird sanctuary, watched the sea lions sun bathe, and saw dolphins frolic. It was sensory overload already and we hadn't even put on our bathing suits to get in the dolphin pool!
But then it was time. Time to watch our sweet four year finally get up close and personal with the very creatures who had mystified him for so long. I remember sitting through chemo, winding down the hours, talking about his wish. How we wanted to swim with a dolphin, dance with them, kiss them. He has slept with a small dolphin stuffed animal (okay, so in all honesty, it is a small whale, but we call it is a dolphin) for so long the poor thing has lost both of its eyes. So as we climbed into the dolphin's pool, and as the playful creatures (who were so much larger than I ever imagined they would be) began to swim around us, all I could think of was how it was finally his time. After one hell of a roller coaster, here he was, in Hawaii, swimming with a dolphin. I am crying just typing this because that moment in time was so special and so magical and something I will take with me, carrying it in my heart, so if and when life rears its ugly head again, I can say, "You can't ever take that moment away from him. His wish came true. He defied the odds and he swam those dolphins just like he said he would."
I should add that the moment was overwhelming for Grayson as well. He really enjoyed feeding the dolphins, which he did a lot, but he wasn't too thrilled about getting up close and personal with the very creature who he just fed raw fish to. Aydan however, was more than willing to pucker up. I need to give a special thank you to Sea Life park as well, who, upon finding out Gray was a Make A Wish kid pulled out all the stops, extending our swim to include swimming with two additional dolphins, taking a family photo of us with the rare and beautiful Wolphin, and ensuring that Grayson and Aydan had the time of their lives. I am sure if you ask the boys what their favorite keepsake of Hawaii is they will run up to their rooms and retrieve Big Dolphy and Hammy. (Those two giant stuffed animals served as pillows for the long flight home as well.)
Hammy The Hammerhead Shark |
Dolphy, the big Dolphin who is actually a dolphin |
The rest of our trip was jammed packed with priceless memories, one after the other. We visited Pearl Harbor and not only toured the Arizona Memorial, but we also explored the U.S.S Bowfin. While much of the actual day went somewhere just over Grayson's head, big brother Aydan soaked it all up. He was captivated by the tiny living quarters of the submarine. He swore up and down that one day he wanted to live on a submarine and sleep in those tiny little fold up cots. He stared in wonder at the long list of names of those lost in the attacks of Pearl Harbor so long ago and asked me to read every single name to him. He was fascinated by the oil that still leaks from the sunken ship and watching in amazement the short video that is presented before you take the water taxi to the memorial. He was in awe of it all and I loved that we could make history fun for him/them. *I had mistakenly (rookie mom of a kindergartener mistake) scheduled this trip for the end of the summer- truly believing that school does not start until after Labor Day. Imagine my shock when I learned, a few weeks before we were to leave for the trip, that my sons first day of formal education was to begin on while we were in Hawaii! I felt horrible and pretty much like the worst mother there ever was- until I realized that missing the first day of Kindergarten, in the grand scheme of things is a rather small thing when you consider that he was learning about history, touring Volcanoes, swimming with marine animals, learning how to Hula dance, picking up bits and pieces of Hawaiian jargon, and learning how to surf. I'll take that as making the world his classroom and I'll give myself a few parenting points.*
At one point, high on a cliff watching as the waves crashed below, Grayson exclaimed, "This is the best wish ever!" To which Aydan replied, "Hawaii we love you!!!!" |
On Friday afternoon, we enjoyed our final Make A Wish planned excursion aboard the Atlantis Submarine. During our adventure we journeyed 109 feet below the surface of the ocean. Watching the boys faces was priceless and they soaked it all up. They marveled that as we went deeper into the ocean certain colors disappeared, like the color red. They freaked out completely (in a good way) when we saw a sunken ship and a plane crash. Their voices reached new decibels of excitement as they saw sea turtles, a zillion fish of varying sizes, a lone sting ray, and one itty, bitty, teeny tiny, reef shark. It may have been small but it was enough to keep me out the ocean for a bit longer.
Saturday, our last full day in Hawaii, was a day we reserved for Aydan. While Aydan participated and enjoyed every single part of the Hawaiian wish, we wanted to ensure that he had a "wish" come true as well. From the very moment Grayson was diagnosed, Tim and I have made a conscious effort to do everything we can to prevent Aydan from feeling like he is in his younger brothers shadow. (We had tried to fulfill another wish of his to feed sharks while we were at Sea Life Park, but blessedly unfortunately he was not old enough to enjoy the insanity thrill.) So, after yet another Discovery Channel obsession with volcanoes, Tim and I, with a little help from our hotel's concierge, secured plane tickets for a day trip to the Big Island so Aydan's wish of seeing a "real live volcano" could be fulfilled.
Our day trip was guided by the most amazing tour guide, who weaved magic and history into every lesson. The boys listened to her talk about the legends of Pele (Goddess of the volcano), Lono (God of wind and rain), and Hinakuluiau (Goddess of Rain) with wonder and mystery. She made every stop on our tour a magical adventure for the boys and they were her captive students.
Our first stop upon landing on the Big Island, was Kaimu Beach where we took in its black sand beaches and breathtaking views. The boys climbed over old lava formations for a better glimpse of the ocean and picked up lava rocks the size of their heads. The black sand was captivating and beautiful beyond words. It was so tempting to bottle some of this mystical sand up and bring it home with us, but we learned that not only was it against the law, but it was also thought to be very bad luck. Legend has it that those who dared to "pocket" some sand for their return flights home fell upon horrible luck and mailed the powerful sand back to the island. In an effort to ensure we did not bring even a speck of sand back with us, we brushed off our shoes, patted town our clothes, and went as far as to check our fingernails. We don't need any bad mojo over here at Case De Savery!
Our tour of Hilo continued with a slow stroll down Banyan Drive, also known as Hilo's Walk of Fame. where in 1933 many celebrities planted Banyan trees. While the boys weren't exactly thrilled to see a tree planted by the rich and famous of the 1930's, Tim and I thought it was fascinating to gaze upon a tree planted by Babe Ruth, Amelia Earhart, and Richard Nixon. The end of Banyan Drive led us out into probably the most tranquil place I have ever been, Liliuokalina Gardens. I felt so at peace, as the boys ran around, over and under, little bridges and amongst the Bamboo trees. From there we toured the Mauna Loa Macadamia Nut Factory (where the boys tried something new and actually learned that they like macadamia nuts!)
After lunch at the Macadamia Factory we moved on to probably the most picturesque place I have ever been: Rainbow Falls. The tourist spot is a beautiful waterfall that the sun, in mid and late morning, shines upon just right so that rainbows are created in the mist of the waterfall. Grayson and Aydan both loved this spot and my sweet Gray insisted, since he had his own camera, to take his very own pictures of the falls. I think we probably have over 30 photos, in succession of the waterfall.
Then we were on our way up, Up, UP! Way up... to the top of the Volcano.
Aydan was in awe. He made me read every sign in the Volcano museum. He watched in amazement as steam rose from the many craters of the volcano. He stared, speechless, at the vast emptiness where the volcano had once erupted. He wanted to hear every tale of every home that had succumbed to the lava flow. He saw Pele's hair, stomped on the ground and saw how his stomp made vibrations that were measured much like the vibrations inside an active volcano are measured. He thought the fact that we were eating lunch ON A VOLCANO was magical. He walked over lava rocks and climbed massive rock formations left behind by the cooled lava. He enjoyed a Volcano steam facial and thought himself pretty darn cool. (A rouge steam vent was made into a secure tourist spot where tourists could get close enough to feel the steam rush past their faces.)
The biggest thrill of the tour was one of those moments in nature where you realize just how small you really are. We walked through a lava tube. Where once lava had flowed fiercely and red how, we walked slowly and a bit nervously. It was amazing. I only wish we had a better picture, but it was dark in the tunnel.
The tour of Hilo on the Big Island, was an all day adventure and by the time we were getting on the place to fly back to Oahu the boys were about to fall asleep. But not before rubbing this Buddha's belly that we found in the airport convenient store. I have found, as I go through thtis journey in life, that were are signs everywhere that you are on the right path, that you followed the right route and are exactly where you are supposed to be. Every rainbow, every special moment that was made even more special by the kindness of a stranger, and this Buddha were little signs along the way for me.
Sunday, August 25 was our final day in Hawaii. We had a red eye schedule to fly us home late that night, so we essentially had all day long to enjoy the sunshine, rainbows, beaches and the hotel water park. We took advantage of every moment.
I find it a beautiful irony that we were in Hawaii on August 25. That date marked exactly one year since Grayson's accident with the lawnmower and, if I am very honest, I can admit that I had been dreading this date for a great deal of time. I didn't know how I would handle waking up on that morning and looking out the back window and seeing where the accident had happened. I didn't know if I could go through that day in the familiar setting of my home, doing the mundane things I was doing that morning, without reliving each awful moment over and over again. I think it was fated that we weren't home, that we weren't in our familiar surroundings and that we were as far away as possible from that horrible place in time when the world turned upside down...again. We were in Hawaii, in a different time zone, and my boys were body surfing the gentle waves and trying to master the art of standing on a surf board. We were, blessedly, far far far away from the cries and screams of that day. We were removed completely from 911 calls, speeding ambulances, and watching my child slip into shock. We were far away from Operating rooms, co-morbidities, amputations of feet, and PICU. We were in Hawaii and there were no tears that day.
A year ago on this very day he was set to have his foot amputated at the ankle, today, thanks to CHOP, prayers, a few miracles and brilliant surgeons, he surfs. Maybe he's missing a few toes and part of his foot, but by God he surfs when once we questioned if he would ever walk. |
***I have so much I want to share about this moment in time. This anniversary date. I have words that I have been formulating for over a year that I am finally ready to share and I will, in the next blog post, but for right now this post is about Gray's Wish coming true. ***
So we surfed and laughed and swam our final day in Hawaii away, we packed out bags and watched out final Hawaiian sunset, returned our rental car, and prepared for the long flight home and the return to reality and Kindergarten!
I never thought my family would be a wish family. When I was handed that seven pound little newborn that would grow to be my Grayson, I never thought that life would throw us challenges that would rock our world to the very core. I used to think that Make A Wish was something given to a child who was dying. I now know that Make a Wish provides a wish so that a child and his family can learn how to start living once again. We gained more than beautiful pictures, we gained peace on that trip. We didn't worry about doctors, surgeries, tumors, or cancer. We didn't think about MRI's, ports, chemo or recurrences. We didn't worry about anything, but the moment we were in and that, that right there, the ability to just be a family for a wrinkle in time is what, I think, Make A Wish is all about.
If you want to donate, volunteer or help The Make A Wish Foundation in some capacity please visit this link:
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